


After

by Dowwwney (Wynt)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), M/M, Making Out, Tony-centric, light spoilers, old men with too many feelings okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 02:20:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19454332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wynt/pseuds/Dowwwney
Summary: Steve watches him for a second, and Tony swallows and licks his lips and notices Steve’s gaze harden.Stubborn. They’re both so damn stubborn.





	After

**Author's Note:**

> I went and watched the rerelease of endgame and I had to get this out okay I had to.

Fast. He’s driving so fast, about as fast as his mind is going. Going, going, going. Over and over again, a million different thoughts and a million different scenarios. Over the details of the _time heist,_ the fact that damn Ant-Guy was actually right, what Pepper is going to tell Morgan when she wakes up and finds him gone— and the fact that the man he’s in love with— no, scratch that, _used to be_ in love with— was on his door step for the first time in _five fucking years._

Don’t panic, he thinks to himself as he presses the gas a little harder, pushes the car to go a little faster. He pretends his heart isn’t racing. He pretends that he didn’t _feel_ anything when Steve stepped out of that fucking car, beard gone, looking only a little bit older than the last time Tony had seen him, when Tony had left him. Damn that super serum. Damn that _Steve fucking Rogers._

And, as he passes the open gates towards the Compound, he sees him. A small blip of white and blond walking out of the building. He presses on the gas, squeezes the leather of the steering wheel until his knuckles are white and _forces_ himself not to feel. It works for a second but by the time he’s skidding to a stop in front of the Compound, he feels his heart picking up speed and the joints in his hands throbbing with a dull pain from gripping the wheel.

His hands shake as he gets out of the car and pretends everything is _fine,_ because it has to be. It has to be, for him to be able to even stand here, with—

Steve approaches him, a questioning look in his eye, cautious, not wanting to be hopeful but the concept is there and Tony bites the inside of his cheek as he forces himself to look down, away, up at the building. Anywhere but at him.

“So how’d it go?” Tony asks. “Did he turn into a baby?” Sarcasm and jokes have always helped him, and this time it’s no different. At least, until he looks back at Steve and is immediately frozen under his gaze, so much more hopeful than it was seconds ago— and Tony is glad he’s wearing sunglasses.

“Yeah, he did.” Steve answers, and Tony pretends Steve’s voice doesn’t shake him to his core. He also pretends Steve doesn’t just step closer to him, closer and closer, until Tony feels the car touch his back ever so slightly.

“Someone should’ve warned you about that.” Tony says, and he’s out of breath and he hopes Steve doesn’t notice. He hopes Steve doesn’t see that Tony can’t even _look_ at him right now, too. With Tony’s luck, chances are that Steve has noticed both, however.

“You did.” Steve says, his voice softer because he’s standing _so fucking close_ now, and he sounds out of breath, too. Tony looks at him again, chances maybe one more glance because maybe he can do this, maybe it’s just him— but when he meets Steve’s eyes, he knows he’s wrong.

Steve glances down at Tony’s mouth, and there’s a steeled, hard, _hungry_ look in those gorgeous blue eyes, laced with the smallest hint of pain. Tony knows he probably looks exactly the same, too.

Tony remembers a time when that look _wasn’t_ in pain. He remembers a time where he grinned whenever that glint showed up in Steve’s eyes; when he had pushed Steve a little too far and teased him in all the right ways that promised Tony a good time.

Fools. They’re both such fools.

Tony can’t do this.

“Well, I’m here for the peace.” Tony says, and he slides out from between Steve and the car and goes around to the trunk, pops it open with a couple taps of his fingers. All the while he shows Steve the time-travel-GPS he invented on his hand, explaining the bare mechanics of it. He doesn’t look at Steve as the man follows him, slowly, his eyes never leaving the engineer.

Tony takes a small moment to catch his breath, attempts to slow his heart rate. He’s going to have a damn heart attack like this— it’s not like he’s young anymore. He wasn’t when they first met, either, and it’s just plain ridiculous now, really. They’re closer in age than they ever were, if Tony is counting all the years Steve spent in ice and not all the years he’s been out of it.

“Figured you might need this.” Tony says, pushing the blankets and stuffed bear off of the red, white and blue shield hidden underneath and holding it up between them with a forced smile. It’s a wall— a last defense to throw up to keep Steve away from him, and he hopes Steve takes the hint because _Tony can’t do this._

Steve looks at the shield, then at him, and Tony recognizes that the Captain is understanding what’s going on and Tony tries not to feel bad. Tries not to feel the familiar pain in his chest whenever he thinks of Steve now.

Tony refuses to call it heartbreak— because that would imply Tony was ever in love with Steve at all, and that’s just something he is never, ever going to analyze or consider or even just _think about._

Steve says something about not wanting the shield and Tony scoffs, brings up his daughter in a last ditch effort— a sucker punch to put it in the air between them that Tony has a wife, a daughter, and has moved on.

Steve watches him for a second, and Tony swallows and licks his lips and notices Steve’s gaze harden.

Stubborn. They’re both so damn stubborn.

Steve doesn’t break their gaze as he reaches forward and takes the shield back, strapping it easily on his left arm with familiarity that comes with years of practice, and there’s nothing between them now.

There’s nothing between them to keep Steve from stepping forward, and Tony is too distracted by the way Steve raises the shield to block their top halves from view of the Compound to step away in time before the distance is closed.

The kiss is light, and if Tony didn’t know better it could almost be chaste— but he _does_ know better. He knows that if he pulls away, puts his hands up and keeps Steve away, Steve won’t follow. Won’t even try it again.

Tony isn’t a strong man. Maybe some people used to say that— maybe his once-upon-a-time friends— but no longer.

He’s not strong enough to stop this.

His breath is shaking when he exhales against Steve’s mouth and Steve presses forward, shifting them so Tony is sandwiched between the car and Steve’s body, one of the Captain’s arms raised to keep the shield up, but the other is on Tony’s hip, gripping him with a force that Tony knows will leave bruises. Bruises he hasn’t seen in literal years.

He whimpers, something so utterly ridiculous and embarrassing, but Steve takes the chance to press even closer and slide his tongue against Tony’s teeth, and then further than that.

Tony is warm, but he’s trembling as his hands raise and cup Steve’s face so carefully, as if this isn’t real, as if Steve will just disappear between his fingers in a fit of dust just like everyone else. He’s had plenty of nightmares just like that, and he can’t help but remember them while this is happening.

Tony licks at Steve’s mouth, his brows pulled together and he must look so desperate now. Tony feels like a damn teenager, kissing in secret, kissing when they shouldn’t be and not being able to stop at all.

He tries to stop, tries to pull away, but Steve _growls_ and Tony submits so easily to that alone, gets braver and wraps his arms around Steve’s neck and tries not to think about Pepper or Morgan or the nightmares that keep him awake at night even now, five years later after everything.

When Steve puts the smallest amount of distance between them to get air, Tony owes it to his family to take the opportunity to stop this now before it starts.

“I can’t, I cant,” Tony says. “ _We_ can’t.” He adds, trying to extract himself from Steve but he can’t seem to pull his hands away from the man’s face. Their mouths are still so close, they’re breathing each other’s air, and it would be so easy to kiss him again.

“I know.” Steve says, finally. “Just— just this—” _Let us have this,_ Tony hears, despite Steve not voicing it.

“Steve,” Tony whines, and he feels Steve’s hand twitch against his hip.

“I know.” Steve says one last time, and it is the last time because he finally takes a full step back and frees Tony from his cage.

Tony looks like he ran a mile in his damn suit, breathing hard, mouth bruised and hip throbbing lightly. His chest hurts with how fast his heart is going and Tony wonders if he’s going to pass out from just kissing Captain America outside a little, context aside.

Steve looks just as wrecked. Tony had dragged his fingers through some of Steve’s hair during their makeout session, and he watches as Steve runs a hand down his face, squeezing his eyes shut.

“I’m— shit, Tony, I’m sorry—“ Steve starts, and Tony _has_ to stop him right there.

“No— cut that out, I don’t wanna hear that.” Tony says, but he still sounds winded. He wags a finger at Steve, who blinks at him. “I don’t want to hear that from you right now.” He says again and only relaxes a little when Steve nods.

They’re silent for a bit, and Tony doesn’t miss the way Steve’s pants look a little tighter than before. Tony shakes his head, tries to clear it up, to fill it up with thoughts of his family and tries _not_ to think about blond haired, blue eyed pretty boys that could break him in half without breaking a sweat.

He fails. And by the way Steve looks at him, Steve is failing to rope his own thoughts in, too.

“Y’know, I’m flattered, really,” Tony huffs out. “You look like you walked out of a magazine while I’m here looking like a highschool science teacher who has a date that’s way too young for him waiting outside. Your hair isn’t even _gray._ That’s hardly fair _.”_

And it works. Steve laughs a laugh that’s just a couple steps down from bellowing, and he’s shaking his head and looking at Tony like he can’t believe anything the genius has said.

Tony smiles, wide and genuine and the first of its kind in a long time because he remembers the first time Steve smiled at him like that, after they saved New York and the Captain was kneeling over Tony, and Tony suggested they all go out for shawarma.

The pain is back in his chest again, and Tony decides that yeah, this is heartbreak, because he was stupid enough to fall in love with Steve Rogers— and Steve was stupid enough to love him right back.

“Do we have a team?” Tony asks, desperate to get away from the silence that spurred on his thoughts. “Tell me we have a team.”

“Yeah,” Steve says, and looks away at the Compound before looking back, and Tony wonders how Steve can be so unafraid to look at him when Tony himself can barely meet his eyes ever. “We’re working on that.”

Tony nods. “Good enough,” he says.

“C’mon.” Steve says after a minute and then does Tony a favor and walks away first— turns his back to Tony so the billionaire can catch his breath and hold his shirt tight at his chest for a minute and still retain some dignity.

“I need a drink.” Tony says as he pushes away from the car, following Steve.

Steve laughs then, the bellowing laugh that he used to do before everything in the world had gone to shit and they had to hate each other in order to survive everything happening to them both.

Tony missed the sound— he missed it so much that, as Steve smiles at him with all the love Tony knows he doesn’t deserve, he wonders if they can maybe fix _them_ after they fix everything else and they have all their friends and family back and everything is okay again. Steve has wanted to fix everything between them for a long time now but Tony had been too full of anger and guilt and hatred for everything to even consider looking at Steve in a way that didn’t convey all of that at once.

But now, as Steve holds the door for him and puts a hand on Tony’s shoulder, Tony thinks he would like to try and go back to a time where they could smile at each other and not hurt from it.

_Yeah_ , Tony decides. After all of this is over, and they have everyone back and everything is okay again, he’ll fix everything between he and Steve.

And then he could hear Steve laugh as often as he wants.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m in pain.


End file.
